That's silly though, right? I'd wake up if I was about to stop breathing forever, right?
..Right?
Oh, I really don't trust my body to be smart that way. I should probably wait to think about that when I'm well again, though, because being sick just heightens my paranoia. Okay, happy thoughts. Think of happy things. When I'm sick I think about and do a lot of the same things, regardless of what the illness is. I'm going to do a blog cop-out here and just make a list of those things in no real order.
1. Call my mother to complain.
My mother is a geriatric nurse practitioner, and she is also two hours away, but despite the fact that I am not living in her house and readily accessible to her, nor am I over 75, I still believe that repeated phone calls to her will somehow make me heal faster. The phone calls usually go from something actually helpful, like:
Me: "Hi mommy, I'm sick, pity me."
Mom: "Aw, poor baby. Are you drinking plenty of liquids? Getting lots of rest? Keeping warm?"
Me: "Yes, no, no.."
Mom: "Well, I'd like you to cover up and drink some water, okay?"
Me: "Kay."
to something like:
Me: "Hi mommy, I'm si-"
Mom: "Sick. Uh huh. Did you get a blanket and some water?"
Me: "..No."
Mom: "Why not? I told you to do that like an hour ago."
Me: "I was too busy drowning in mucus and having a pity party. By the way, dad says hi."
Mom: "You bothered your father with this nonsense, after I told you what to do?!"
Me: "..No."
Mom: "..I don't know how you expect to get better if you don't do what I say."
Me: "..So I was thinking I'd pour myself some water."
You know, she tells me stories about the elderly, and they sound a lot worse than me, but her patience wears thin a lot faster with me.The other day we were eating breakfast with one of her friends and her daughters, one of which just got accepted to the University I'm at (which is why I was dragged out of bed at 9am on a Saturday.), and she told me a story about this old woman who talks shit about her to her face and brandishes her middle fingers at her without restraint. And she was all smiles about that woman.
2. Take my temperature.
Taking my temperature is a novelty that hasn't worn off since childhood, like it should have. I'll take it like four times a day, rubbing my forehead and moving it around in my mouth a lot to try and heat it up and fool it, as if it's still the only device keeping me from going home. I think I just want some validation of how bad I feel. When I'm at home with my parents, this will also manifest itself in the form of asking them to look inside my throat with a flash light and affirm how red it is.
3. Whine pathetically to whoever will listen. Two days ago I went grocery shopping with my friend. I feel bad for her. But that's what she gets for refusing to do things alone at night.
4. Listen to all the musicals I have on my iPod, including any and all Disney songs.
I mean, it's not like I don't usually like musicals, they're all on my iPod after all, but for some reason, when I am sick I just have the desire to..open my arms wide and run through a green, green field and sing about how I want more. This is why I think that any hidden cameras that are in my room are getting some great footage. Viral video worthy footage.
5. Watch these exact movies and television shows, in this exact order.
Shin Chan
Friends
Addam's Family Values
Revenge of the Nerds
Wendy Meets Casper
The Hunchback of Notre Dame
Van Wilder 2: Rise of Taj
Robin Hood: Men in Tights
Hocus Pocus
Family Guy
Don't ask me why.
6. Abandon all intellectual pursuits.
Writing this blog entry is the most work I really want to do right now, but I've gotten sick at a very inconvenient time. Finals are coming up, and I've got two essays to write and three finals to take before I can relax without a care. I know that's less than most people in college have to do, I just got lucky this time, but I'm sick, so I expect to be expected to do less. Haven't you learned by now that you're to pity me?
7. Write in a blog?
I don't think we have any stick-around-read-every-entry fans yet (and if we do, geez, you guys need to be more vocal, I still feel like I'm just doing this for no one's benefit but that of my own ego.), but if you notice, the last time I was sick (with strep throat) I wrote this entry. Back in the days when livejournal.com was popular, I used to go there and write a bunch of crap whenever I got sick. I had a bunch of friends reading those posts, though, and they weren't half as good as these, so..I don't know how to feel about that.
8. Read the Harry Potter books over again.
I've been sick about eight days now, I'm on book five.
9. Talk to myself.
I tend to give myself pep talks a lot, because I have very low self esteem, and when I get sick I have to keep myself from doing things, or force myself into doing them. Two days ago I got home from class, and I murmured to myself, "No. No. We're not going to throw up. We're not." And I didn't. I did throw up in the middle of my CritLit class the next day though. In the bathroom. Not in the classroom. Then I went back and took a test. Look at that dedication. I must have looked awful too, because before class the professor was all "Maybe I'd better go easy on you today." and I just kind of sniffled pathetically to punctuate that point.
10. Feel like a slob when I notice the state of my room for the first time but feel too weak to clean it up. Normally I don't care about how messy my room is, mostly because I have seen rooms that look worse than mine, I can still see my floor, and I have yet to see a bug in here. But somehow, when I'm sick, I suppose I expect a sterile hospital environment in some unconscious part of my mind. Even though in reality I hate hospitals. They freak me out.
You know, when I think about it, number ten sounds a lot like a symptom of depression. Ah well, I've had a miserable sick-filled eight days, can you blame me?
At this point, these are coming to me less and less quickly, so I'm going to go ahead and wrap it up. My posts always end so abruptly when I'm sick, I just kind of leave with a little note about how I don't feel good, and you're just expected to deal with the shitty ending.
..
I'msickbye.
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