I know it must be hard for you, little baby blog. You don't have any friends to hang around with, and no one comes to check on you aside from me. Not even your mother (SAMEERA. OKAY.). But don't worry. Daddy's here and he's going to tell you all about your mother, who really is a very wonderful person and would fall into a ditch and die before she would purposefully abandon you but unfortunately that is a real possibility because mommy is also very clumsy and she often forgets her glasses.
Let's see, what can I tell you about your mother.
Though she is of honorable intention, your mommy tends to sink into what I'd like to dub, from now on, the quicksand of failure. You see, dear child, your mother is like an explorer setting out on a long journey. She is as prepared as she could possibly be for that journey. She has done everything a good traveler should - she's got a meal in her, she knows her route, and she has an emergency plan. This was your mother when I first met her - a completely well prepared conquistador of sorts, knocking out those straight A grade point averages year after year and impressing observing adults the world over. But even the most prepared explorer will stumble into some quicksand once in a while - and it seems your mother was born under an unlucky star, for quicksand seems to follow her. When your mother first stepped in that quicksand, she picked herself right up and went back to conquering. But I imagine repeatedly finding herself suddenly having to struggle madly against death (also known as failure) wore out her 'get back on the horse' reflex. Over time, it wasn't even just quicksand anymore, oh no. It was snakes and frighteningly large jungle insects and bears that don't even belong on the same continent where she was and OH SHIT SOME SORT OF PREDATOR TYPE THING FROM THAT MOVIE I SAW ONE TIME - oh. Excuse my language, dear child. Speaking of your mother brings out the passion in me.
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, your mother struggles valiantly against everything that is thrown at her, but because of time, and perhaps my gelatinous influence, she has become less of a conquistador. Does that explain, in some way, why she isn't here right now, darling child? Your mother might be worn down, but she's not out just yet - she still has that fighting spirit, and right now she's in that jungle, probably screaming in a pit of quicksand. But don't worry, she'll be back. ..Eventually. Sometimes even daddy doesn't hear from her for weeks.
There is so much to say about your mother, I can hardly decide where to go, what to tell you next.
Ah. Tell me child, have you seen Spy Kids 2: Island of Lost Dreams? Yes, of course you have, I should have known not to ask such a question. Regardless, I should explain. In the movie, Steve Buscemi plays a scientist who experiments with genetic mutation, on an island that features a device of his own creation - a device that blocks out the signals of, and from, all electronic devices. This device was called the "Transmooker". Child, your mother IS this transmooker. She is unaffected by the signals of her electronic devices - oh they cry out for her attention, they do, my love, but their pleas go unheeded. They beg for just one bit of her esteem - just one post, a status update, maybe a little poke? Once in a while they will be rewarded for their patient diligence, but the payoff is much too small and irregular to be worth it. And yet they, and you, dear child, continue to fight, to hope. Don't worry. I will continue to poke her physically, and through the phone. I know it has been nearly thirty days since she started her visit with you and you have heard only a few words, but cling to those words with the knowledge that your daddy fights for joint custody. For an equal partnership.
Because when mommy is here, she's wonderful. But we miss her when she's gone.
Fondest regards,
Your loving father. Who happens to be a woman.
P.S - Maybe you could try a little harder and make some friends. If mommy found out you had some friends, maybe even, god forbid, friends who left word that they had been here (!!), then she would come back! I know she would. But you and your friends won't know until it happens, will they? So you should get on that.
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