I can see that blogging at 5am is not going to be a good idea. ..Which won't stop me from doing it.

So, I was just lying in bed at 5:55 (MAKEAWISHIWISHFORNACHOS) AM watching Family Matters on mute while listening to my ipod - because I was really in the mood to listen to music and I didn't want to stop even though I hadn't seen this particular episode of Family Matters and that was important too so I was making up a story for it in my head as to what was happening and I'm pretty sure I got the story right but not the dialogue aside from "Did I do that?" because how could anyone properly predict the dialogue unless they could read lips but then that wouldn't be predicting and..I'm getting ahead of myself.

Anyway, while I was watching, I saw a commercial for what was apparently a live Diego show. (I am assuming that simply referring to this character as 'Diego' fits into common knowledge, but then I started wondering if someone might somehow mistake 'Diego' for the 'Diego' from Ice Age, because that's pretty popular too..and I like him better..but no, I'm referring to the Diego from 'Go Diego Go!' the Dora the Explorer..spin-off? Weren't they related somehow? I feel like they were cousins. Anyway, he's basically male Dora in the jungle. Dora finds the barn and the big apple tree [RIGHT BEHIND YOU DORA YOU CAN'T MISS IT THERE'S LITERALLY NOTHING ELSE THERE.] and deals with that bad ass motherfucker Swiper and Diego tells you what marmosets eat. (Which I guess would come in handy if you're a feral child growing up in a Tarzan jungle, but I doubt I have to explain why that wouldn't fit.)

Oops. I got off topic.


Um. SO. I saw a commercial for a live Diego show. Which basically means it's some anonymous person in an innocuous giant felt Diego suit putting on a show for the kiddies. This has been done many times over with many characters..I think recently they did a Toy Story 3 On Ice thing that is probably still going on now, though I'm not sure. Anyway - even though the suit is perfectly non-threatening and familiar (I guess.) despite being..well, not very believable, I've never thought about how creepy it is that I don't know who is inside that suit. But tonight, it occurred to me out of nowhere. I was watching the poor soul occupying the tv Diego costume dancing around awkwardly while the costume head smiled happily, and I started imagining John Wayne Gacy in there. Which is pretty much the creepiest thing I think I've ever thought, at least in such an abrupt fashion. It usually takes some sort of provocation for me to think up that kind of deranged shit.

I'm not going to pursue the idea that it would be Gacy in there anymore, because that legitimately freaks me out, but the point remains - it's creepy that there's this happy costume dancing/skating around, worn by a stranger that might have ulterior motives. If you can see the person performing for you, at least you can try to gauge whether or not they're a serial killing freak. Knowing that I can try makes me feel better.

See, if Hitler had been in a Diego suit, I wouldn't have known it was him. Unless he started goose stepping across the stage. That might give it away. Not literally GOOSE stepping..that's more of an actual Diego thing..you know, with the animals. Yeah.


This is a..now 7AM post, so it's allowed to be nonsensical. I just kind of feel like blogging about all the things that have been on my mind lately while I've got the chance and the words are coming easily. There is a zone and I am in it.


I got this signed poster of Bo Burnham the other day. I paid ten bucks for it. It was a really good deal, I thought, because it's a pretty giant poster and it's made of this strong material (at least stronger than my other posters.) and it's actually SIGNED! Still, most of its value to me is intangible. I put it across from my bed so when I turn over and over trying to find a comfortable position for sleep, I see Bo staring at me in the dark and sometimes it scares me but most of the time it makes me giggle like a frigging girl. It's thrilling. The poster is actually kind of powerful. Once when I caught sight of it, my thoughts turned kind of existential. Man, humans look weird..when and how did we decide what was attractive? [I haven't sat here and explained in focused detail that I have never been an accomplished sleeper..yet..but my experiences really paint a picture to that effect.]

One of the things that I think about a lot is the possibility that someone has planted a camera in my room. Especially since I'm currently living in an apartment on campus and the RA/maintenance staff have the keys to my apartment/room, plus they had access to it before I had even moved in, so there were/are a lot of chances for them to spy on me. Though honestly, I can't see who would want to. I mostly just eat or lie in bed watching Chowder. Anyway, because the Bo poster was thicker than most posters are, for some reason I imagined that there was a camera in it, and when I hung it up the eyes would move and become human when I wasn't looking, like the portraits in old horror movies. Bo could use the material he would get from me. He already wrote a line about a fat chick in an elevator, (Teehee. Guess what he did to her.) I'm sure he could do something with a fat chick pantomiming participation in a Pokemon battle.

This wasn't what I meant to segue to, but Spongebob Squarepants just said, "I've got darkness inside of me!" Now, I wasn't paying attention to the episode because I was writing this, and it was easy to see that he meant literal darkness (The episode seemed to be about his fear of the dark.) but at the same time, it could be misinterpreted, if you were really determined to do so. Like Spongebob has some really fucked up urges buried deep inside. In my mind they have something to do with Krabby Patties, or maybe some form of cross species sexual intercourse. Like with jellyfish or squirrels. 

Damn, I just get really openly gross and sexual when I haven't slept and it's early in the morning.

What I MEANT to segue to here was the fact that I got some fish for my room. It's not as unrelated as it could be. Spongebob takes place in the sea, and..fish live there. 

I named the fish Artemis and Apollo. They're cute and a lot smarter than people give fish credit for. Or, at least, than I did at first. I always thought fish had a five second memory (which was only reinforced by Dory in Finding Nemo), but it turns out that Google claims that they have a memory that can actually last up to 5 months or more. I put a lot of stock in what Google tells me, so I'm going to think of that as a confirmed fact. Not to mention the fact that my fish seem pretty aware of what's going on. They like to play follow the leader around the tank - well. It could just be one being a douche to the other, now that I think of it. I just watched them do it and it turns out that it's the chick chasing the dude around. Kinky. Even though apparently the Glo fish are really hard to breed because they do this thing where they have the eggs, then they eat them from the bottom of the tank. So, I imagine Artemis is just chasing Apollo around the tank because of her innate desire to "rock the casbah", as they say.

I saved this post until later because somehow, it felt unfinished. 

So..now it's 8:19 PM and here's how I'm going to finish it.

On the way to class today, I was walking along and this big wind came by, which made the leaves dance around me. It was just like Pocahontas. ..In my mind.

Which in reality was more like:

Don't judge me. Even though I am giving you plenty of material to use.