I'm Secretly Jabba the Hut.

Woah you guys what's going on is this a post from Sameera???? I think. I think it is. I'm super excited about this so first let me introduce myself.  But before that, let's just get some things straight from the get-go.

1) Any leadership will not be coming from me.  I'm just putting this out there now to ensure that we all acknowledge this.  Basically Emily is the brains/brawn/sole arbiter of this outfit, and I follow her blindly regardless of what's going on while also feeding off of her magnetic personality.  Like a lemming.  Or one of those fish that clings onto the back of a shark like on the Discovery Channel. (The Discovery Channel is another post.  I'm serious.  And I know you're probably thinking, "hey, what more can be said about the Discovery Channel that doesn't end in the punchline "shot through the heart (by a stingray) but you're too late?" In response, I only have three words for you: Ice. Road. Truckers.) Or a leech.

 2) I'm basically a vessel for internet and movie content to congeal, grow nuclei, and evolve until they begin building civilizations. This is why anything I find funny is ultimately related to Disney, horrible reality shows, and musicals. (And The Room.  Which was a new discovery for me.  This also is going to be another post don't let us forget it.  It deserves a team effort.)   This is funny because I actually know little movie or internet trivia/information. (That's more up Em's alley.)

3)  I have the memory span of a goldfish.  This means that anything I see, hear, do, or get told immediately gets pushed to the back of my mind by the imperial forces of Internet and Movie.  Eventually they may raid the outer borders but uprisings in the form of suddenly remembering everything I have to do ever are usually put down with ease.  This is funny because I'm a history major. (The things we learn about one another.)  I wish I were kidding here, but it can be vouched for by several witnesses that I honestly cannot remember a single thing.  Emily will tell you the story of The Case of the Missing Backpack, Parts 1 - III, some other time.

SO. on to the story that I think most accurately characterizes my life right about now:

I'm your sub-average college student, so this means that the time that's not spent in classes is spent in front of the computer on the internet, or, if things are really bad, a word document. 

The amount of physical exercise I do is directly proportional to the number of cows at this moment making orbit with the moon.  But today.  Today was one of those days.  The people I'm going to call "friends" called me to see if I wanted to go jogging with them.  Needless to say it was one of the most embarrassing things of my life.  When I was not dragging myself forward through sheer willpower alone (i.e. about three minutes in) I was busy wheezing and coughing like an asthmatic rhinoceros.  Finally I had to slow down and tell everyone to just walk with me, which I made them do for the entirety of the circuit.  This took us an hour.  Now, my walking is sort of different.  This is because I view my legs as alien appendages I'm not too sure what to do with. I'm frankly surprised that they haven't fallen off yet due to disuse.  In any case, my method of walking is to shift all my weight on to one leg and sort of pivot my entire body forward on it in an attempt to use as little energy as possible when engaging the legs in necessary activity.  Thus I look exactly like a highly uncomfortable penguin.  I am okay with this.

Finally we stopped so one of my friends could point out different constellations.  Because of all the light pollution, the only way to get a good view of the stars is to go into the creepiest, most secluded areas.

 

I feel like I would have been able to be more appreciative of the cosmic moment at that time if I wasn't otherwise occupied.

 

IN CONCLUSION: That is never happening ever again ever in my life ever.  Except for Thursdays and Saturdays.  Curse you, adorable asian girls who make me promise to stop oozing lazy slime all over the place!