Let's Hydro Pump It Up Today.

I realized that I kind of jumped right into this without ever introducing myself. So, I figured I'd follow in Sam's more hilarious footsteps and do a post about..well, who I am, I suppose. (By the way, it's 4:51 right now. I have to get up in like six hours. This thing better not bring back my nocturnal habit.) So. I'm Emily, the less creative side of this blog. Well, I did make the banner thing, and the copyright button, but that's as far as I go, really.


ANYWAY LET'S DO THIS 321 GO.
Segue segue segue--

Doing my work is literally, always, the last thing on my mind. There are a number of things that are of greater importance to me, and it seems that I have to go through a rotation of doing these things before I can even begin to think about possibly getting ready to start trying my hand at doing something actually important. Even when I'm actually doing what I should be doing, I feel this hovering sense of indignation. How dare trifling things like education and personal hygiene get in the way of my much more important good time? I swear, I would be the greatest bum, if I wasn't already weaned onto the idea of having semi-expensive things to entertain me. If I had been homeless all along..man, I can just see myself sitting there on the street, clapping as my trained beetles attacked each other mercilessly.

Rotation elements:


1. Video Games. While at college, I can only get over my paranoia enough to bring my DS, so if I'm holed up in my room being a hermit, it means I'm lying on my bed, ignoring my developing carpal tunnel syndrome and gradually atrophying limbs while I waste them on endeavors of the Pokemon persuasion.

2. Pretending I am a professional chef, when in reality I am so damn far from that. Honestly. You know those cakes that come as ready-made mix in a box? That you fucking take out of the box and add like, milk and eggs and..oil or something to, and pop them in the oven? I. cannot. do. those. I read all the directions, and sit there painstakingly measuring out each ingredient, which I gingerly push into the bowl, then mix it all together with every ounce of love that resides deep in my heart..and they get into the oven and are like, FUCK YOU. What's sad is that, I always seem to forget that I can't even make these simple cakes. I float to the pantry and look inside and gasp, "RED VELVET CAKE?!" and then I take the mix from the shelf and excitedly skip over to start the preparations that will ultimately result in devastating failure. Every time.

Even simple cooking techniques elude me. The one thing I can make is guacamole, but that's the most caveman dish I can think of. Using a giant spoon to scoop the innards out of an avocado, chopping the hell out of an onion..Sigh. If I didn't have my mother to occasionally swoop in and rescue me from the abyss of the Macaroni and Cheese ocean that I live in while I'm at college..I don't know what would happen. It would be like the Kraft commercials, where that lizar-..is he a dinosaur? Dinosaur. Surfs in on a cheese wave and everything turns into cheddar. But I imagine it being a lot more horrifying than those commercials make it seem.

3. Television. This one is actually kind of ridiculous. I will watch almost literally any show instead of doing my work. Because of that golden rule of mine, I've ended up seeing shows like Bad Girls Club, Four Weddings, Dating in the Dark..but mercifully, not the Jersey Shore. If you want a post about that, I think it falls into Sameera's area of expertise. Anyway, once I find one of these awful shows to watch, or rather, once they catch my attention, for some reason I decide to cling to them until I realize I should be doing something better. Realize that I don't even LIKE the show. Sometimes this has disastrous results, especially when combined with TiVo. Once, rather recently, Sameera and I stayed up until 6am watching the Bad Girls Club. We saw a whole season in one night, and we kept watching despite the fact that our eyes were crusted over with sleep and we were laughing at burger king commercials and quoting Disney films in a nonsensical manner.

["YOU FIGHT GOOD AHURHURHUR."]

4. Thinking I am more proficient at singing and dancing than I actually am, and fantasizing about my future singing career. Which, by the way, I will never have. Just because I can carry a tune well enough does not mean I am destined for a career in that area, and yet whenever I have my headphones on and I can no longer hear myself sing, I feel the urge to belt it out. Which creates a lot of personally awkward moments - like when the music stops and I hear myself, then slowly quiet down. Who the hell am I trying to hide my embarrassment from? I don't know. Oh, and a lot of my music is Korean. So, that adds to it. 

..I'm tired. And this took me several hours to do. -YAWN-

Here's a picture of Sameera with some English lady ducks to tide you over.